Editor’s Note: This is a guest post written by Laura Ewing.
It has come to my attention that CD6 candidate Amie Hoeber’s campaign is, once again, under attack by the rubbish publishing muckraking bastards over at Red Maryland. Why you ask? Her platform? Her credentials? Her integrity? Nope.
Her grammar. Yup. You read that right. Apparently the Republican political scene is so slow right now that it’s necessary to devote entire articles solely to criticizing the spelling mistakes of congressional candidates just to have something to publish. AWESOME! I want in!
I’d like to write a Grammar Fascist (because the term Nazi is denunciatory and the last thing I want to do is insult anyone with non-PC terms) review of one of my favorite articles of late. Granted, it wasn’t written by a candidate, but I think it qualifies since it was written by none other than Red Maryland’s very own Brian von Griffiths.
Now, I know it’s small and hard to read, but trust me; it’s not worth your time anyway. You can thank me later for saving you the indigestion. What I’d like to do is call attention to all those red marks you see.
Because grammar is a regular part of his curriculum now, I asked my 9 year old son to hone his skills by taking a stab at proofreading the article. The red marks are his. Do you see what I see Mr. Griffiths? You’ve been owned. By a third grader. From Prince George’s County. Under the tutelage of a Common Core curriculum.
…Go ahead. Take a moment to let that sink in. Grab yourself a tissue…
Feel the shame rising from the depths of your non-existent soul? There, their, they’re; it’s ok. To be fair, he is MY son and awesomeness and intelligence are both genetically inherited, so he does have a bit of an upper hand.
My point? You hail yourself as a writer/journalist, yet you couldn’t take 5 minutes to proofread your work. Or, perhaps, you’re simply incapable of doing so, but I’m feeling benevolent so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Most likely, you were in a hurry to get your article out because you believed the message was more important than the presentation. I’m sure the same courtesy can be extended to Ms. Hoeber; don’t you think? Or, perhaps, the mistakes were simply overlooked. Shit happens.
As an adult, who IS smarter than a third grader, I’d like to offer you some advice Mr. Griffiths: Don’t be a petulant child; there is always going to be a bigger bully on the playground and, let’s face it, you’re always going to be a Lil’ Guy. So can we PLEASE, for the love of God, Thor and bacon, stop with this pettiness and get back to discussing issues that actually matter?
Scientist. Single mom. Superhero.
Eric is a former officer in the Republican Club of Frederick County and Frederick County Republican Central Committee between 2015 and 2018. Former guest host on WFMD and showrunner on WTHU. Avid gardener and food preserver. Graduated from Libertarianism to Anarchism as the corruption level in the state requires us to start over from scratch.