HELP WANTED: Effective Congressman Needed Immediately in Maryland’s 1st Congressional District


  • Effective leadership sought on behalf of 650,000+ Marylanders;
  • Must be at least 25;
  • Agrees not to join a cult and will not defend liars, racists, sexists, xenophobes, sexual predators;
  • Partisan hacks need NOT apply;
  • Will not discard every last shred of dignity in defense of drinking bleach as COVID-19 remedy;
  • Will not pick unnecessary fights with popular governor;
  • Understands discernable differences between America, “Communist China,” and “North Korea;”
  • Pledges not to exploit COIVD-19 outbreak in shameless publicity stunt ;
  • Recognizes Chesapeake Bay preservation, understands environmental protections aren’t fake news;
  • Believes that women and only women, not their religion, pastors or priests, should dictate the terms of their bodies;
  • No sign-on bonus; insurance plan is included; benefits include working from home;
  • Must be able to commute to Washington, D.C.
  • Serious inquiries only.
  • Send a resume and cover letter to the people of the 1st Congressional District.